


Heaven's Gonna Wait

by alohasupernatural



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Castiel/Dean Winchester Angst, Fluff, Grieving Dean, Letters, M/M, Sad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-19
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-12-17 09:21:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11848626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alohasupernatural/pseuds/alohasupernatural
Summary: Dean have been writing letters since Castiel's death. Dean don't know where to send them but he'll keep all the letters till Castiel comeback (or not) to read it by himself.





	1. First letter

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfiction ever .please please just give it a try, your comment means so much to me. Thank you so much

June 18th 2017

 

**_**_Hello Cas,_ ** _ **

__How are you doing there? Wherever you are, my angel, i miss you. I miss you so much. I wish you were here._ _

__It’s been a month since you left us. Since you left me. I don’t even want to think about it, I can’t. I will just keep pretending you’re out there, somewhere in this world or the other place. Safe._ _

__Mom is missing too, Cas. She’s trapped with Lucifer at God-only-know where. I really hope she’s safe. We’ve been trying to find a way to save her (Well technically, it’s Sam because I still don’t know how to be functional again after all of these things). I miss my mom too._ _

__Sam told me to write my feelings out if i don’t want to talk about it with him, and i thought that was a good idea, but i want to write it like a letter to you, you know?_ _

__Remember our first meeting? You walked into that barn with those sparks and that stupid trench coat. And i was like, “Who the hell is this man?” and then you talked in that deep, gravelly voice saying, “I’m the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition.” And you told me that you’re an Angel of the Lord. You know i was like “What the hell is this shit? Is this some kind of joke?”_ _

__Because, you know i never believed in God nor angels. Especially when an angel have had saved my life because God commanded it? After all that i’ve done? I don’t deserve it Cas, I don’t deserve to be saved._ _

__When i was a little, my mom always told me before i went to sleep that “Angels are watching over you, Dean.” Well i never believed any of it, because i didn’t think that angels were real. But i guess she was right all this time, I’ve had my own angel. But i never would’ve though that my angel is this dark haired guy, with that stupid beige trench coat and crazy bed hair and those mesmerizing blue eyes. And guess what? I never believe i’d said this but i’m in love with said angel, probably since we met at that barn._ _

__Fuck, I miss you so much, Cas. God, you have no idea. I feel like i’m going to lose my mind. I still feel numb. I miss your stupid trench coat, i miss your blue eyes, i miss your smile, i miss your stupid voice, i miss you hair, i miss your “Hello, Dean”, I miss how you’d called to ask me every time you found a new thing that you understand, I miss your “personal space” problem. I just... I MISS YOU CASTIEL, I MISS EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU._ _

__Help me God. I sound like a girl but i don’t care. It’s true, I MISS YOU SO MUCH IT HURTS, CASTIEL. I don’t even know where to send this letter to, but i’ll probably just save this in my drawer ‘till you comeback home (YOU WILL) to read this by yourself._ _

__I guess this is my first letter, Cas. I’ll keep writing for you, you know._ _

__Stay safe, my angel, wherever you are._ _

__I miss you._ _

**_**_Dean._ ** _ **


	2. Second letter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The second chapter is up. I hope you guys like it. please tell me what youu think. They means so much to me <3

****Sunday, June 25** ** ** **th** ** ****2017** **

****

****

 

 

> **_**_Hello Cas,_ ** _ **

> __
> 
> __How are you? Uh, I am fine. Not really,but I guess I am  (That’s what I tell myself everyday). Mom is still missing. Sam is gone too, he’s been looking for Luci’s son, Jack.. Jack left us the day after he was born, saying he doesn’t want to give a  single shit about Heaven or Hell. Sam thinks maybe Jack will help us to find mom. Well, I hope he’s right,and maybe, just maybe Jack can revive you back too ?_ _
> 
> __It’s still hurts, but sam was right, writing makes me feel better. I’m wearing your stupid trench coat now and it’s smells just like you, and it’s warm, and also makes me feel safe. I always told you ‘no-chick flick moment’ or something like that but I guess it’s probably just my way to avoid talking about my feeling. I’m not really good with it Cas, so I will try to express it through this letters._ _
> 
> __You were right, Cas. I can’t save everyone, you were right, I couldn’t save my father, I couldn’t save my mom, I couldn’t save Sammy, I couldn’t safe Jo and Ellen, I couldn’t save Bobby, I couldn’t save Charlie and Kevin, I couldn’t save YOU. Hell i couldn’t even save myself. How am i supposed to save the others if i couldn’t even save myself? You already know that nothing but pain here inside me, you’ve seen it all. I’m too broken. I’m too weak. I’m poison, Cas. I break everything I touch instead of saves them (Heh, you’d probably going to beat the shit out of me for saying that if you were here)._ _
> 
> __But you, you’re different. You’re strong, you are warrior, an Angel of the Lord. You save me, Cas. So many times, even when you've lost your mind or your grace. You were always there to save my ass. Not just me, but everyone that important to me. You were there when I was about to say yes to Michael, when I was about to give my self up, you were there to knocked some sense into me, to take me back to the right path. Hell, because of you I have faith. I still pray to you every day, every night. I know you are not there anymore, but screw it. I’ve prayed to Chuck also, but there’s still no answer._ _
> 
> __I still don’t know what’s so special about my family, that you, an Angel of the Lord willing to die for. You has rebelled against heaven, you left your family for us (Even though those dicks are far from what I’d called “family”), and I know I am  adorable and we have this what you called “profound bound” thing, but come on Cas, it takes more than that to do such thing like rebelled against heaven, against God._ _
> 
> __Why us? Why me ? I mean I treated you like a shit Cas. You were always came when I called you, when I needed your help. But when you asked for my help, there will always be a reason why I wouldn’t do it. Or I’d turn you down, saying that your problem is not really important at that time. That’s why you always thought that you were doing the right thing, because I wasn’t there to listen and help you. I should’ve been there for you,man._ _
> 
> __I’m so sorry, Cas. Forgive me for being insensitive selfish ass. I’m so sorry that you might feel like I don’t care about you, but I do, Cas. I really do. I know I wasn’t a good friend to you. But believe me when I said that you, me and Sam, are better together._ _
> 
> __Stay safe wherever you are, angel._ _
> 
> __We need you, Cas. I need you! Please just come back home, man._ _
> 
> **_**_Dean._**_**

**Author's Note:**

> Updated : Big thanks to dp for being my beta reader


End file.
